I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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