What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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