the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
