I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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