I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
