dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
