I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize