Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do vagina's smell?
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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