Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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