you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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