drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
