i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
