guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
