need another drink. this is the easiest way
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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