Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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