If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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