I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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