The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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