she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
