So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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