It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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