I hate your face
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
