be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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