This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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