all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We talked him into tasing himself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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