Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
