i will never coherently bang her
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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