if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
