fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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