We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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