I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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