My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they need to just BURY HIM!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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