Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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