it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
