dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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