I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
