I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
