Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think my moral compass just broke
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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