There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
