It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
