I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
