then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
