Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
