I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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