i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
