awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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