you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
