Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
