In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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