I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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