just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
