youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing