maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
