Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"

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  (586): The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain" http://tfl.nu/88as
  Replies (2) Good night (1907) Bad night (683)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.

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  (775): I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again. http://tfl.nu/wdl0
  Replies (10) Good night (1850) Bad night (598)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  i cant believe jose lima did steroids

  (281): View more from Texas

  apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball

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  (713): i cant believe jose lima did steroids (281): apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball http://tfl.nu/yhdf
  Replies (13) Good night (2235) Bad night (2439)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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  (425): the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side http://tfl.nu/wowf
  Replies (27) Good night (5559) Bad night (870)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

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  (713): this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy (1-713): well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE" http://tfl.nu/3bep
  Replies (11) Good night (1282) Bad night (4611)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation

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  (443): I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation http://tfl.nu/w8jm
  Replies (76) Good night (7723) Bad night (1363)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?

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  (502): What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes? http://tfl.nu/o5zg
  Replies (17) Good night (4567) Bad night (1143)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.

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  (973): had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home. http://tfl.nu/ffng
  Replies (34) Good night (6086) Bad night (3129)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.

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  (309): I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches. http://tfl.nu/dizl
  Replies (19) Good night (7926) Bad night (1161)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

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  (267): i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget http://tfl.nu/82kf
  Replies (8) Good night (2409) Bad night (1000)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

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  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (6264) Bad night (967)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse

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  (+61): Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse http://tfl.nu/nf0w
  Replies (3) Good night (1321) Bad night (663)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.

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  (573): I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/e7oe
  Replies (5) Good night (857) Bad night (464)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.

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  (540): There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong. http://tfl.nu/f8bz
  Replies (1) Good night (915) Bad night (311)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?

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  (856): Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them? http://tfl.nu/b8rj
  Replies (4) Good night (414) Bad night (840)

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