Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order

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  (416): Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order http://tfl.nu/9jwa
  Replies (12) Good night (5263) Bad night (1283)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.

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  (701): For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza. http://tfl.nu/ui1g
  Replies (15) Good night (5125) Bad night (1287)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (953) Bad night (3878)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.

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  (601): Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit. http://tfl.nu/lbl1
  Replies (7) Good night (2601) Bad night (715)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling

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  (443): No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling http://tfl.nu/429d
  Replies (5) Good night (1151) Bad night (2348)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does

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  (207): I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does http://tfl.nu/xjqc
  Replies (2) Good night (652) Bad night (1716)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.

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  (616): All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good. http://tfl.nu/bkrn
  Replies (2) Good night (3521) Bad night (736)
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  (+82): View more from South Korea

  I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.

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  (+82): I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea. http://tfl.nu/vo0h
  Replies (13) Good night (2099) Bad night (747)
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  (936): View more from Texas

  He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.

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  (936): He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again. http://tfl.nu/4f76
  Replies (27) Good night (712) Bad night (2397)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.

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  (309): I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to. http://tfl.nu/ueue
  Replies (10) Good night (755) Bad night (563)
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  (760): View more from California

  And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning

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  (760): And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning http://tfl.nu/27ss
  Replies (2) Good night (706) Bad night (307)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything

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  (610): I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything http://tfl.nu/3wxq
  Replies (0) Good night (342) Bad night (476)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it

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  (832): I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it http://tfl.nu/3xki
  Replies (3) Good night (408) Bad night (587)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I will have no part of this.

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  (423): I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down. (423): I will have no part of this. http://tfl.nu/im0o
  Replies (3) Good night (379) Bad night (827)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.

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  (612): I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen. http://tfl.nu/6isz
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (523)

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