WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS