zippers are such a cool invention
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon