Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.