yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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