He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
