I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
porn star boner night. come get it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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