Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
