Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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