Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
