I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
