The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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