I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
