I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
