the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
