My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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