I have demons in me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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