Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
