Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
