I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
