just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
FUCK WHALES
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
