Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
