I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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