also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
