I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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