Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
