The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
