i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
