i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
