"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
