I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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