last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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