Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
