she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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