The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
