you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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