I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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