Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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