For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
