WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Someone shit on the floor
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
